This one isn't about you Bailey! I promise. :o)
I have recently been the witness to some really shitty roommate business. Let me explain:
We'll call my best friend Jane. Now Jane has a three roommates, roommate number one, two and three.
Roommate number one refuses to hangout with Jane. They live together now because they were absolute best friends in the whole entire world. Now that it's been about seven months since they've moved in together, they never hang out. Jane invites Number One to go out to dinner, go out for frozen yogurt, dancing, etc. She always invites her to go. They now rarely hang out and only see each other in passing.
Roommate number two has just been indifferent. Nothing bad, but nothing good either.
Now... Roommate number three. This is a whole different story. Jane has always been on rocky terms with Number Three. She was a potluck roommate, so they never met her prior to them moving in. She seemed nice enough; she had decorated the apartment, stocked the kitchen and was working for the apartment complex.
A couple weeks into the semester, it started getting rocky. Number three started leaving her bike in the living room, she left all of her school supplies out in the living room and would leave dishes in the sink for up to two weeks. Jane would clean up Number three's mess and organize her school supplies so that everyone in the apartment could use the table. The following day of one particular incident including glitter and newspapers strewn all over the floor, Number three proceeded to yell and scream at Jane in front of myself and our other best friend. Things were never the same...
The most recent incident started with Number three asking Jane if she could have her birthday party in their apartment. Jane nicely told her that she appreciated her asking, but she didn't feel comfortable with her having her party there. Cause honestly... A bunch of drunk people you don't know running around your place of living can be kind of weird.
Following Jane's reply, this is a direct quote of what Number three said:
"Get over it. It's not like its hurting anyone anyways."
Jane told her not be rude.
"Screw you. My birthday. My party. I'll have it where I damn well please. I was trying to be nice and ask you first. You and I clearly don't get along.... I'll let you know if I decide to have the party here so you can make arrangements to not be here. You are not welcome to any party of mine."
Seriously? I'm definitely blessed to have a roommate that I get along with and don't mind living with.
I just feel bad because "Jane" is one of my best friends and was incredibly angry about all of the incidents.
I don't have very much true advice on this subject, but here's what I think about roommates:
1. Set "house rules". This is pretty explanatory. Me and my future roommates have already sat down and started talking about what we're comfortable and not comfortable with.
2. Understand you're feelings towards the people you'll be living with (if you know them before your living with them). Know what you love and don't so much love. Learn to deal with being irritated with a certain trait of their personality, etc. But honestly, if you have lots of problems with their personality maybe you shouldn't be living with them....
And I don't have a third piece of advice... yet.
Showing posts with label happiness. Show all posts
Showing posts with label happiness. Show all posts
Thursday, February 3, 2011
Monday, January 31, 2011
on boyfriends/girlfriends *
*i'm sorry if i get emotional with this one guys. :o)
Here's a few things I've learned from my experience:
1. Don't look for him/her. I know, I know. All of your friends have boyfriends, you see everyone on campus/at the mall/at the store/at restaurants/EVERYWHERE with boyfriends or girlfriends, but this doesn't mean the fact that you don't have a significant other makes you weird or different. When you're looking hard for someone to be with, you're blind to most of your options since you'll be finding others who are simply interested in having a boyfriend or girlfriend too.
2. Trust, trust and trust. Some (a lot) of people have a serious problem with this, but honestly the person your with will cheat on you if they want to, even if you trust them. Not to sound rude or anything, but it's the truth. Obviously, if you have some reason as to why they have completely broken your trust, you may need to take a good hard look at why you're still with them. But, by not trusting someone, or always getting jealous, can and will push your significant other away. These things, we all know of course. But just because you've heard it a million times doesn't mean it's going to stick with you. And like I said before, this one is a hard pill to swallow. Or another cliche- it's easier said than done.
3. Keep it chill, fun and awesome. This is my favorite thing about the relationship I'm in currently that was so radically different than my last long term "serious" relationship. Austin and I spent a lot of time at the beginning of our relationship getting to know each other. We spent a lot of time talking about everything from both sides, even the touchy stuff like religion. Even now, there are still some things we don't fully understand about each other, but thats okay. :) Despite how serious we can get with each other, we act like little kids; playing games, looking up jokes and going places like mini golfing and the park together. We also are alright with simply sitting together in a quiet room, going to the library to study or walk each other to class. The energy level is never the same, but we still enjoy our time together. I mean, too much energy can get unnerving and too little energy can get boring. But there's nothing wrong with spending time together on all levels. This might just be us, but it's worked so far.
4. Disagree, don't argue. This is number one in importance and one of the hardest. Disagreeing is completely different than arguing and getting angry. Why? Because with a disagreement, there should be two parts: 1. Discussing your opinion and 2. Why you feel this way/believe this and rationalizing it, making it easier for the other to understand. I get it, sometimes things cannot be agreed on and fights break out. But this, again, has worked awesome for us. We're going on four years and have had only one major fight, but many small disagreements. This way, nothing is taken away from the relationship and there are no grudges held.
Now, I understand people are different and think differently. Austin and I are both rational people with moderate tempers. It takes quite a bit to set either of us off, and way more to get us angry at each other.
I have also been in a relationship where none of my own advice was being followed and it definitely didn't end well for either party.
Austin and I have been together for four months shy of four years (my high school sweetheart!), we've been together for three quarters of my high school career and now a quarter of my college (half and half for him since he's a year older than me!), so we've been through the cliche college boy dating high school girl separation trial and error period and got through it with flying colors (after my six week jealous phase) and are even happier than ever.
If anyone disagrees with anything, has any questions or wants to talk relationships just let me know!
Here's a few things I've learned from my experience:
1. Don't look for him/her. I know, I know. All of your friends have boyfriends, you see everyone on campus/at the mall/at the store/at restaurants/EVERYWHERE with boyfriends or girlfriends, but this doesn't mean the fact that you don't have a significant other makes you weird or different. When you're looking hard for someone to be with, you're blind to most of your options since you'll be finding others who are simply interested in having a boyfriend or girlfriend too.
2. Trust, trust and trust. Some (a lot) of people have a serious problem with this, but honestly the person your with will cheat on you if they want to, even if you trust them. Not to sound rude or anything, but it's the truth. Obviously, if you have some reason as to why they have completely broken your trust, you may need to take a good hard look at why you're still with them. But, by not trusting someone, or always getting jealous, can and will push your significant other away. These things, we all know of course. But just because you've heard it a million times doesn't mean it's going to stick with you. And like I said before, this one is a hard pill to swallow. Or another cliche- it's easier said than done.
3. Keep it chill, fun and awesome. This is my favorite thing about the relationship I'm in currently that was so radically different than my last long term "serious" relationship. Austin and I spent a lot of time at the beginning of our relationship getting to know each other. We spent a lot of time talking about everything from both sides, even the touchy stuff like religion. Even now, there are still some things we don't fully understand about each other, but thats okay. :) Despite how serious we can get with each other, we act like little kids; playing games, looking up jokes and going places like mini golfing and the park together. We also are alright with simply sitting together in a quiet room, going to the library to study or walk each other to class. The energy level is never the same, but we still enjoy our time together. I mean, too much energy can get unnerving and too little energy can get boring. But there's nothing wrong with spending time together on all levels. This might just be us, but it's worked so far.
4. Disagree, don't argue. This is number one in importance and one of the hardest. Disagreeing is completely different than arguing and getting angry. Why? Because with a disagreement, there should be two parts: 1. Discussing your opinion and 2. Why you feel this way/believe this and rationalizing it, making it easier for the other to understand. I get it, sometimes things cannot be agreed on and fights break out. But this, again, has worked awesome for us. We're going on four years and have had only one major fight, but many small disagreements. This way, nothing is taken away from the relationship and there are no grudges held.
Now, I understand people are different and think differently. Austin and I are both rational people with moderate tempers. It takes quite a bit to set either of us off, and way more to get us angry at each other.
I have also been in a relationship where none of my own advice was being followed and it definitely didn't end well for either party.
Austin and I have been together for four months shy of four years (my high school sweetheart!), we've been together for three quarters of my high school career and now a quarter of my college (half and half for him since he's a year older than me!), so we've been through the cliche college boy dating high school girl separation trial and error period and got through it with flying colors (after my six week jealous phase) and are even happier than ever.
If anyone disagrees with anything, has any questions or wants to talk relationships just let me know!
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