Monday, January 31, 2011

on boyfriends/girlfriends *

*i'm sorry if i get emotional with this one guys. :o)

Here's a few things I've learned from my experience:

1. Don't look for him/her. I know, I know. All of your friends have boyfriends, you see everyone on campus/at the mall/at the store/at restaurants/EVERYWHERE with boyfriends or girlfriends, but this doesn't mean the fact that you don't have a significant other makes you weird or different. When you're looking hard for someone to be with, you're blind to most of your options since you'll be finding others who are simply interested in having a boyfriend or girlfriend too.
2. Trust, trust and trust. Some (a lot) of people have a serious problem with this, but honestly the person your with will cheat on you if they want to, even if you trust them. Not to sound rude or anything, but it's the truth. Obviously, if you have some reason as to why they have completely broken your trust, you may need to take a good hard look at why you're still with them. But, by not trusting someone, or always getting jealous, can and will push your significant other away. These things, we all know of course. But just because you've heard it a million times doesn't mean it's going to stick with you. And like I said before, this one is a hard pill to swallow. Or another cliche- it's easier said than done.
3. Keep it chill, fun and awesome. This is my favorite thing about the relationship I'm in currently that was so radically different than my last long term "serious" relationship. Austin and I spent a lot of time at the beginning of our relationship getting to know each other. We spent a lot of time talking about everything from both sides, even the touchy stuff like religion. Even now, there are still some things we don't fully understand about each other, but thats okay. :) Despite how serious we can get with each other, we act like little kids; playing games, looking up jokes and going places like mini golfing and the park together. We also are alright with simply sitting together in a quiet room, going to the library to study or walk each other to class. The energy level is never the same, but we still enjoy our time together. I mean, too much energy can get unnerving and too little energy can get boring. But there's nothing wrong with spending time together on all levels. This might just be us, but it's worked so far.
4. Disagree, don't argue. This is number one in importance and one of the hardest. Disagreeing is completely different than arguing and getting angry. Why? Because with a disagreement, there should be two parts: 1. Discussing your opinion and 2. Why you feel this way/believe this and rationalizing it, making it easier for the other to understand. I get it, sometimes things cannot be agreed on and fights break out. But this, again, has worked awesome for us. We're going on four years and have had only one major fight, but many small disagreements. This way, nothing is taken away from the relationship and there are no grudges held.

Now, I understand people are different and think differently. Austin and I are both rational people with moderate tempers. It takes quite a bit to set either of us off, and way more to get us angry at each other.
I have also been in a relationship where none of my own advice was being followed and it definitely didn't end well for either party.

Austin and I have been together for four months shy of four years (my high school sweetheart!), we've been together for three quarters of my high school career and now a quarter of my college (half and half for him since he's a year older than me!), so we've been through the cliche college boy dating high school girl separation trial and error period and got through it with flying colors (after my six week jealous phase) and are even happier than ever.

If anyone disagrees with anything, has any questions or wants to talk relationships just let me know!

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